Monday, March 16, 2009

Not put family first?!?!?

It happened again!

Pastor Darryl brought up the fact that if put anything ahead of God, it is all for nothing. That includes family...

Okay moms, I need your help here. My head knows it is true, but my heart doesn't recognize this.

If God told me to sacrifice any of my children, or husband, or mother... well, I can't even go there hypothetically.

And I worry that this is holding me back. You see, I haven't had the warm fuzzy feeling in a while. The one that comes from knowing that your walk with the Lord is strong and real.

You see, I have been preoccupied with fear regarding our economy. Worried that Jeff will get laid off, that I will get laid off, that we will lose our house...

But Jeff's job is fine, my job is more hours than before (because of other people getting laid off) and our family has recently made some hard decisions regarding our limiting our spending that we really feel good about. Both business's are picking up and things are looking better.

But I still worry.

Does that mean that I am putting something else in front of my Lord again?

Darryl has also been talking about child-like faith. About childlike abandon that we all used to have. My brain is so bombarded with the opposite, that I try to anticipate anything wrong that could happen, even if it is a supposedly "fun" event. What if someone gets thirsty, dirty, tired, or bored.

If anyone has any good resources for me... I'd gladly accept them.

I miss the warm fuzzy feeling.

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