Sunday, January 31, 2010

For Casey... a memory.

Being a caregiver is such an experience that cannot be explained. You love, work, never get to take a break from worrying and at the same are thankful get to be doing what you are doing.

I was one of my dad's caregivers for quite a while. My mom did all the personal stuff that he was too embarrassed to have me do (and I respected that out of love) but when it came to doctor's appointments, it was me who took him and kept track of the medical information that was thrown at us.

Before dad was in a wheelchair, I remember one summer morning, I was taking him to his primary physician. South Washington, MMPC. I asked Dad if he wanted to get dropped off and he told me to park far so he could get some exercise in. We parked near the end of the sidewalk and started in.

He needed help getting up to the sidewalk. I tried to give him my arm, but the truth was that he needed more help than that. Why I didn't get in front of him and grab his torso was a split decision to not make him out to be weaker than I wanted him to be. But he was.

He fell onto the sidewalk. I tried to lift him but could not, even though his weight was about 115 pounds if that. He was embarrassed and I felt awful for letting him fall. He was scraped up and unfortunately, even a scrape took too much time to heal.

An angel came by. Actually his name was Bruce. I remember when our church helped him out because he had an accident that left him in a wheelchair. He asked if he could help and I asked him to sit with Dad while I grabbed a wheelchair that was in the front lobby of the office. He did, and he helped me get Dad in the chair. He explained how he was in a wheelchair for a while and there were times when his wife couldn't get him up when he fell out. He had compassion and then went about his business to his own appointment. Actually it wasn't until they called his name to go in, that I realized my angel's name.

There really was no way to avoid the fall. If I had dropped him off at the curb, he would have had to go in by himself since I would have had to park the car. He didn't acknowledge that he was weakening that much. I never would have assumed it, or if I did, I wouldn't have mentioned it to him to hurt him.

The only thing we can do is turn to God. While it was awful to go through. I learned his limitations. I prayed that God would let me still show him the love with the right amount of care, respect and dignity. It takes lots of strength, and I pray that for everyone who is in this situation. But believe me, it will bless the socks right off of you.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I have dealt with seasonal depression ever since I went to Michigan Tech in the U.P. At school I would take some homework and sit under a special light in the counseling center and supposedly that would help.

Jeff has always bought me daylight light bulbs for the house and although it looks so weird from the outside, I have gotten used to it. It is still hard to trudge thru the season and the worst is when I feel like "I can jump right out of my skin". Has anyone else ever felt like this?

We are having a good evening at home with no reason to leave the house. I feel like a too big adult making a ruckus in a kiddie pool. Splish, splash... Water all over and I've got limbs flying everywhere. If I were to simply stop, I would notice how ridiculous I am being.

I've got WJQ on the radio and hoping that Wally can somehow make the time go by faster so I have an excuse to go to bed early. Anything to make it stop.

If you were to walk past our window, you wouldn't see anything out of the ordinary. I think I will head to bed and crochet for a while.

Dear God,
I'm sitting here tonight hoping to slow my mind from it's running.

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

Lord, help me to give you everything. Help my mind to be still and remember that YOU control everything from the hairs on my head, to the many snowflakes that fall outside my walls. I want to be a positive influence to my children and to not hide away when I can't control my running thoughts.

I trust you and give it all to you.
I love you!


Monday, January 18, 2010

Life lesson...

It is easier to criticize, but difficult to improve. If you want to help people improve their behaviour it is worth investing your effort in learning how to help people change their behaviours, attitudes and skills.
Also, always remember not to get carried away or judge yourself by someone else's criticism and feel depressed as you are the best judge to judge yourself. Take Criticism in your stride, consider those which are genuine and implement those which you think is the best to improve you as a person!!

-- Author Unknown

Sunday, January 10, 2010

How I met my knight in shining armor...

I don't know why this is on my mind... but I was remembering when I met my husband Jeff.

I had transferred to Michigan Tech on a whim, more or less. I wanted a new start at college and I went purely on it's reputation. After having a 3 hour meeting/interview with the Transfer Admissions chair of MTU, first at Bob Evans, and then in the lobby of this motel. I put my faith in God and started the first week of December of 1991.

Of the three dorms on campus, I chose the smallest. I arrived at 5am via the Greyhound with my boyfriend at the time who went back to Flint the same day in the evening.

I knew exactly one person who went to Michigan Tech from my high school. He was two years younger than me, and I happened to run into him at the town library earlier that year. Jeff happened to be one of his roommates.

Jeff remembers when I called Jon to let him know I was at Tech that evening. We were amazed to be in the same dorm and he quickly came down to visit me. He called Jeff from my dorm room to jump up and down to see if we could hear him. We could! We determined he was almost right above my room.

I didn't meet Jeff that night. In fact, I think it was into the first or second week of the term when I met him. I sat in the cafeteria with Jon and watched this young man with the most amazing eyes bow his head to pray before eating.

It was a slow motion moment and I only recall his beautiful blue eyes.

The next part of the story gets a little complicated, and I imagine that it will wait for another post!