His voice...

So today I heard Him.

Through no one's planning but His. God spoke to me and I am humbled. Today my son had a play date with a friend from our old church. They met again at VBS this week so we planned a play date.

Jeff, me and the girls went to go pick him up and got to spend an hour witnessing God's blessing on this family.

You see, last winter their house burned down from a fire that no one can explain.
It was the house that they recently got to move back into after about three years of work. Mostly their own and the work from their church family.
See they finally broke down and accepted this help after going through cancer with their son.
Which already was tough because they have another wonderful son who has serious health issues.
Did I mention that those three years were of this great family of five living in their camping trailer? All year round?

Before the fire they thought they were home free (no pun intended). They still had work to do on the home but they had gotten the okay to move in and had spent the summer inviting church to their house for cookouts and bonfires. The cancer reports came back negative and they were settling into a normal routine.

And then just like that it was all gone. All their work, their belongings, everything they ever had. Burned to the ground.

Today I got to visit and see their new home that is close to completion. They live in a camping trailer again. But it is a better one. The house will not always be work in progress... it will be a work completed. All they have to look forward to is spending time with their three sons.

Did I tell you that these are amazing people who haven't changed a bit? They hang on to God and accept faithfully, that He will be there for them. There is no bitterness or anger. It was such a blessing to my soul to spend those minutes with them.

As we drove home, Jeff held my hand and said "Don't worry, someday we will have a house too".

But that was the farthest thing on my mind.

You see, I have never been without shelter. I've never had to deal with watching all my hard work go up in flames. I never had to sift through rubble to look for anything that could be salvaged. My children are healthy and I have never had to stretch my faith that much.

Thank you God for showing me that my lesson has to be more than just a house. You see, He doesn't give us more than we can handle. I'm blessed and while that is a wonderful thing. I yearn to be able to handle more in my faith.

Been a while...

I haven't posted in quite a while. I wish I could blame it on a lack of creativity, but the truth is that there has been a deep valley that I have been crossing for some time now. Nothing serious, but deep none the less. Depression and stress is not as sexy as a million other reasons that I could make up. But this has always been a place for me to share honesty. Sexy or not!

Something that hit me out of the blue, was a change in my fertility. I'm 39 so no menopause, but peri-menopause. All of this led to me being anemic and so I had a procedure to try and help that. The result was that while Jeff and I have no plans whatsoever to have any more biological children, it is final because now I am in no condition to have anymore. All common sense points that it should be no big deal, but apparently women are wired to the core to have children. I had to figure it out and say it aloud and cry it out.

You see, once in college, Jeff asked me what I wanted most in the world.... and I answered that I wanted to be a mom. I have three beautiful, wacky children who I adore with all my heart. But sometimes, I think my calling is to be a mom to everyone. But that is another blog post to be I think.

Another truth that I have a hard time with is that I wish we were in a house instead of our/Mom's condo. I know that it has to be God's timing. We have been looking and nothing is really interesting. But I still wake up every morning wishing that things were different.... and I am tired of wishing my life away.

I know I should be thankful and I TRY very hard to convince my heart that most people would DIE for the opportunity to live somewhere without a mortgage, but I guess I am not that convincing.

The worst part, is that I feel so guilty for complaining of these situations. I can picture so many people who have it much worse than I. Who cannot have children and who have no place to live, or are losing their homes as we speak. I guess what I ask for is prayer to make myself sensitive to God's promptings. That I put my trust in him and that I use my time constructively doing his work instead of hiding in my world feeling sorry for myself.

Dear Teenager,

Dear Young Person,

I know I am getting old, but really... I do know what you are going through. I lived through your temperamental age and I had the same pressures you do. Drugs, sex, ditching class... trying to be cool (or whatever they call it now).

We were pressured to be THAT person.... the one with the perma-boy/girlfriend... the martyr... the suicidal... the rescuer... the shocker... the geek... the prep... the jock... the partier...

You will get past it. None of this will matter and you will be amazed how much time and energy you are wasting to be "whoever" you think you need to be to impress one or all of the people in your high school class.

Your parents are not supposed to be your "friends" when you are trying to test your boundaries, and believe it or not, they know what you are doing. Every little bit. They are just picking their battles or trying to make sure they don't push you to make worse decision than you already are. They know exactly how you think.

Believe in yourself and try to look to the future.
You don't need to impress me
You don't need to shock me
You don't need to like me and
You don't need to be liked by me

Because you stepped into my life,
whether for a minute
or
for your lifetime,

and
I'll pray for you
because
I love you
because
God loves you.

Blast from the past

We have decided to put Tristan back into Tae Kwon Do again. I just went to the webpage to find out the times and there was a small video featuring my two cuties. See if you can find them!

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Dear God...

Dear God,

Forgive me for forgetting that you are in my life.

That you love me

and look after me

and hold my life in your hands.

When I think that I can't handle it anymore,

I know that I am failing you,

because you ultimately control it all.

Thank you for all my blessings!

I pray that I will continue to

strive to live the kind of life

that honors you.

Amen

My 39th birthday

I had a very good birthday this year. This coming from the girl who usually cried during her birthday for one reason or another!

In the morning I was awaken by Jeff and the kids with a present of (2) Vera Bradley wallets. Super cute and while I did drop a hint, I was so glad to see them!

I ran my mom to some doctor appointments, got bagels for a treat at work and still got to work on time!

I got the cutest message from my Veersma family. Everyone sang me happy birthday (complete with Scooby Doo’s) and I got to work with a huge smile on my face!

Work went well and I even snuck in an appointment with a nurse to talk about health goals.

I got home to find out that mom had gone to the condo board about keeping both dogs even though only one is allowed in the bylaws.

We went out to dinner at the Curragh and ate outside. I had my favorite dinner (Veggie Boxty) and then we went for a stroll downtown for some shopping and ice cream.

Before we got back in the car we hit the new fountains downtown. The kids had a blast running under the arcs of water and trying to stay relatively dry!

I feel asleep with my buddy T-man. We talked about famous people he knew and didn’t know. There was some giggling and joking around. Someday I won’t be able to snuggle with my little guy, but for now I will cherish the moments I get.

Jeff then carried a sleeping Tristan to bed and came to bed.

I am so blessed!

Rubber bands...

I recently had the privledge of meeting someone at my church to discuss God-given gifts. The funny thing is that I got to compare my current gifts with a copy of my gifts from some years ago. Some new ones are developing, others were well developed and yet others, I had the privledge of scratching off my list.

Scratching off the list you may ask. I realized that while I was able to use these gifts, they were not particularly the ones that I enjoy. So I got the permission to scratch them off the list.

This may seem like such a little thing, but it was so liberating.

My friend at church explained that God gave us gifts so that we can be like a happy rubber band. All loose and happy. That when we attempted to do things that were out of our zone, it was a stretch and that would pull us. We can do it for a while, but after a long period of time, we snap.

I feel like I am so late in the game, but I believe this can give me direction on trying to make my life more enjoyable for me (and others around me).